September 11, 1998

   It's been 15 years since Ryan and I were married and it's been nothing but rainbows and butterflies for him ever since.  I love him.  I need him.  He's my everything and here's why:

 

• He's honorable.
• He's loyal.
• He's giving.
• He's always thinking of me.
• He's loving.
• He's a hard worker.
• He has a sense of humor.  (Yes, I can find it irritating and exasperating, but I still love him for it.)
• He's forgiving.
• He has a hard time saying he's sorry when he's done something wrong, but he's working on it and that means:
• He's very goal and task oriented.  He's always thinking of and working on ways to improve.
• He's supportive and encouraging.
• He's talented.
• He's a wonderful father.
• He's spiritual.
• And all of these things make him a wonderful example to his children.

 

I love you Ryan.  Thank you for the last 15 years and here's to 15 + infinity more.

I wonder why

I am often amazed, befuddled, perplexed, flabbergasted, annoyed, etc. over some of the crazy things my kids do.  Things that make absolutely no sense to me because they're obviously messy, destructive, will get them in trouble, silly or dumb.  I'm often left shaking my head and wondering why they do the things they do.  Is it just to annoy me?  Do they like getting in trouble?  Do they just not care?  Why?  There are days when I let it get to me way more than it should.  I let it  interfere with life and cause more grief than it's worth.  And that affects every one's mood and can be damaging to our relationships.  It's stupid.  And then I have a moment like I did today.  A moment that was like getting smacked in the head with a 2x4 and made me say, "duh, Christa!  You need to let some stuff go". 

I was cleaning off and out my toaster.  As I was dumping the crumbs out of it, I remembered a "brilliant" idea I had about 30 years ago.  Something that made perfect sense to me at the time.  It just came to me one day as I was buttering a piece of toast.  A real light bulb moment.  I thought to myself, "it would be so much better if I buttered the bread before I put it in the toaster then I won't burn my fingers doing it after".  And so began a rather long period of pre-buttering bread before it was toasted.  A period in which my mom often wondered why the toaster smelled so funny and wasn't working very well.  I didn't tell her I knew why and I remember thinking I was so clever and such a gourmet cook.  I also remember getting my cousins to try it and swearing that they would never make toast the dumb normal way again. 

Eventually, my brilliant idea ruined the toaster and when my mom found out why, she was pretty irritated.  But...I don't remember getting in too much trouble for it and I think it was because she knew I was just a kid.  I didn't know any better.  And that's what I remembered today.  It made me sad because all too often, I don't let things like a kid pre-buttering their bread roll off my shoulders because they're just kids.  I get mad.  My kids don't do the silly things they do to be destructive, or even to annoy me.  They do the things they do because they're just kids right now.  They're going to do silly things and I need to learn that's just fine.  They're going to grow up and stop doing the silly things they do now.  And eventually, like maybe 30 years down the road when they have their own kids, they'll remember the dumb stuff they did and realize they need to not be so hard on them.  I know this, because it's the conclusion I came to today.   

The Change

I've been feeling kind of crappy (health wise) for most of this year due to "girl" problems.  I finally went to my doctor in October because I was fed up with them and wanted to fix them.  He thought my problems might be due to the fact my IUD was due to be removed.  So, he removed it and said he thought things would be great and if they weren't, I was coming back for my annual in a few weeks and we would investigate further then.  Removing the IUD didn't solve anything.  The problem continued.

I had my annual exam on November 15th and he found that my problems may not have been caused by the IUD.  Great.  Some funky things were going on and so, I had an ultrasound on the 19th.  It turns out I have uterine fibroids.  One rather big one, for sure.  It's located in place that would make it very difficult to remove the fibroid alone and there's also no guarantee I won't get more.  So, he recommended a hysterectomy.  It's been scheduled and I'm having it done on December 19th.  I'm not upset about it, but I am irritated at the timing.  A hysterectomy wasn't something I wanted for Christmas.  :)  I'm also irritated because we have really crappy insurance.  Unfortunately, if I didn't do it then, I would have to wait until the end of January because of his schedule.  We'll have different insurance starting January 1st, but the cost really won't be different.  It will be slightly less crappy, but we'll still have to pay quite a bit out of pocket.  So, the financial reason of waiting is really kind of a moot point.  The fibroids are by no means life threatening, but they are life altering because of all the annoying problems they cause.  (I won't bore or disgust you with the details.)  So, what it came down to was would I rather feel better in 3 weeks (I scheduled last week), or would I rather feel better in 2 months.  I decided the obvious answer was to feel better sooner rather than later.

A hysterectomy really is the best choice for me, too.  The only reason we would go the route of simply trying to remove the fibroid, would be to try to preserve fertility by keeping the uterus.  Well, I retired my uterus in March 2011 by having my tubes tied when I had my bladder correction surgery.  If it was gone, it wouldn't be a bad thing.  ☺  (By the way, my uterus was totally clear then and so that means I went from nothing to this in just a year and a half.)  So, I will be spending my Christmas break lounging in bed and being pampered by my family.  You know, maybe that won't be such a bad Christmas present after all.  ☺

 

30 Days of Thankfulness & What I've Learned (So far)

   I posted on facebook something I was grateful for everyday during November.  (This is last year's list.)  Doing it is such a great exercise.  It gives me perspective.  It gives me hope.  It reminds me of how blessed I am.  Just like last year, some of the things are silly and most are very specific to that particular day.  So, here's my list for 2012:

• November 1st:  I'm thankful for Tylenol P.M.
• November 2nd:  I'm thankful for the beautiful colors of Fall.
• November 3rd:  I'm thankful for hobbies.  Especially when they can distract my racing mind. 
• November 4th:  I'm thankful for the "extra hour" I have today.  It's making me feel like I'm getting everything done early.
• November 5th:  I'm thankful for long weekends, but I'm also thankful for the Monday after a long one because the kids can go back to school.
• November 6th:  I'm thankful for a relatively good and sound night of sleep.
• November 7th:  I'm thankful for my beautiful children.  Even on the days, like yesterday and today, they make me crazy.  Avery left some shoes outside Monday night & Cameron did last night.  They were both upset when the shoes were wet in the morning and they couldn't wear them.  But guess who they blamed for the shoes being outside?  That's right, me.  Kid logic never ceases to amaze me.  It's a good thing I love them.
• November 8th:  I'm thankful for those moments when you wake up in the middle of the night and you think it's time to get up, but then you look at the clock and discover you still have hours left to sleep.  Those moments are the best.
• November 9th:  I'm thankful for my brothers.
• November 10th:  I'm thankful for my parents.
• November 11th:  I'm thankful for warm blankets on cold nights and I'm thankful for a hot breakfast in the morning.
• November 12th:  I'm thankful for Ryan's comfy, long sleeve t-shirts.
• November 13th:  I'm thankful for the 30, or so, seconds after I finish cleaning my house, where my house stays clean before my family gets back to the business of messing it up.
• November 14th:  I'm thankful for my husband.  I love him.  Like, a whole bunch.
• November 15th:  I'm thankful I'm surrounded by such beautiful mountains.
• November 16th:  I'm thankful for friends.
• November 17th:  I'm thankful for uplifting words and music.
• November 18th:  I'm thankful for dates with my husband.
• November 19th:  I'm thankful for medical professionals.
• November 20th:  I'm thankful for all the ways I have available to me to stay connected to the world.
• November 21st:  I'm thankful for the convenience of grocery stores.  P.S. I'm also thankful for good convenience foods and headache medicines.
• November 22nd:  I'm thankful there's always room for improvement.  Happy Thanksgiving!
• November 23rd:  I'm thankful for cinnamon rolls.
• November 24th:  I'm thankful for my washer, dryer, iron & ironing board.
• November 25th:  I'm thankful for the moments when I can find beauty in unexpected and even downright strange places.  The diffused light that was coming in through the closed blinds of my office window looked peaceful, serene and just downright pretty this morning.
• November 26th:  I'm thankful that even on days I feel like a grump, all I have to do is look around me to see all the ways I am blessed and it can help to pull me out of a bad mood.  I'm very fortunate to have all I do and I should never take my life for granted.
• November 27th:  I'm thankful for Peyton's preschool.  I'm also thankful there was a teacher around to drag his kicking, screaming, ridiculous fit throwing little self into the school this morning.  Sometimes, that boy is such a monster.
• November 28th:  I'm thankful for the stars.  They were twinkling, sparkly and pretty when I put the dog out this morning.
• November 29th:  I'm thankful for health insurance?  And, yes, the question mark is there on purpose.  We had fantastic insurance for years and now we have some that, in my humble opinion, is just sort of so-so, but at least we have some.  Something is better than nothing.
• November 30th:  I'm thankful for Christmas decorations.  I'm really thankful that I have a pre-lit artificial tree that saves me lots of time.  And even thought it's artificial, it's still pretty to look at.
• December 2nd:  (One more for good measure!)  I'm very thankful I was able to send Cameron & Avery to school this morning.  They woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  I'm also thankful for my vacuum cleaner and Pledge.

I recently celebrated my 37th birthday.  I'm so happy to be an odd number age again.  :)  I thought I should jot down some thoughts like this and this again.  So, at 37 years old:

I've learned that having a thankful heart is absolutely vital and is directly related to whether or not you have a happy life.  You can become pretty miserable, pretty quickly if you always focus on the have nots.  Recognizing our blessings turns our hearts to Jesus Christ and that automatically turns us to love.  Love for life, family, ourselves and most importantly, others.  

A Month of Thanksgiving

I was invited by this blogger, through facebook, to participate in "A Month of Thanksgiving".  The idea was to post something you're thankful for each day in November.  Easy!  I love listing on a daily basis things I'm thankful/grateful for.  Doing it give me great perspective and helps me to see that things really are never that bad.  *note* Some of the posts were a little fluffy and or silly and they were very specific to the day.  I was/am, however, really very thankful for everything I posted.  Even the silly stuff.  ☺  Here's my list:

• November 1st. - I'm thankful the power in my house came back on after being out since about 7:45 this morning.
• November 2nd. - I'm thankful for fantastic friends and neighbors who are willing to be a help to me.  Like, say, when my car battery dies and Ryan Hendriksen is out of town (of course, because he's almost always out of town when something happens with the car ☺) and unable to help.  thank you to Troy Roth for helping out in a situation like that!
• November 3rd. - I'm thankful for lint rollers.  Especially when I do something stupid like, brush my dog while wearing a black cardigan and black slippers.  They come in real handy after doing something like that.
• November 4th. - I'm thankful my kids have such good friends.
• November 5th. - I'm thankful for my carpet steam cleaner.  I bought it in the spring and it's more than paid for itself.  I love it!  (Oh, and I apparently really love hooded sweaters & tees.  Yesterday, I discovered I have at least 10.)
• November 6th. - I'm thankful for Sundays and all that come with them.
• November 7th. - I'm thankful for beautiful music like the symphonies of Beethoven.  I really love his 9th and was able to see/hear it played with Ryan Hendriksen by the Utah Symphony on our anniversary.  That was on opening weekend of the season.  They're performing all of his symphonies this season, starting with the 9th and going back.  It was beautiful?
• November 8th. - I'm thankful that I decided nearly 3 years ago to learn how to make bread.
• November 9th. - I'm thankful my kids have the opportunity to go to school to learn, grow & expand their minds. I'm also thankful for school for a selfish reason. It's nice to send an ornery, bratty kid away and hopefully have them return in a better mood. (We didn't have a very good morning. ☺)
• November 10th. - I'm thankful that I have such wonderful parents in Dana Mackay and Tracy Mackay and that Ryan Hendriksen's parents, Eric Hendriken and Elaine are pretty wonderful, too!  ☺  They're amazing grandparents to our children!  They've been so willing to help out with them while Ryan and I have gone gallivanting around the world.  I love and appreciate all of you!  ♥
• November 11th. - I'm thankful for people like my brother, Joshua Mackay.  Thank you for all you do.
• November 12th. - I'm thankful I've been able to travel with my husband to places I've always wanted to go.
• November 13th. - I'm thankful for naps.
• November 14th. - I'm thankful for my washer and dryer.
• November 15th. - I'm thankful for my car.
• November 16th. - I'm thankful I know how to cook.  Well, at least I assume I know how to cook.  ☺
• November 17th. - I'm thankful for my children.  I love them very much.
• November 18th. - I'm very thankful for my husband Ryan Hendriksen.  He's kind, loving, hardworking, funny, sarcastic, exasperating, sweet, a fantastic father and really cute to boot.  I ♥ him a whole bunch.
• November 19th. - I'm thankful for hot showers.
• November 20th. - I'm thankful for uplifting Sunday meetings.
• November 21st. - I'm thankful for warm and comfortable beds.
• November 22nd. - I'm thankful we had a pleasant and easy morning getting ready for school.  No dilly-dallying, no screaming, no crying.  Just nice and easy!
• November 23rd. - I'm thankful for Excedrin Back & Body and Dr. Pepper.
• November 24th. - I'm thankful for lessons learned.  No matter how difficult the learning process was.  Happy Thanksgiving!
• November 25th. - I'm thankful for long weekends.
• November 26th. - I'm thankful for a strong furnace to heat my house.
• November 27th. - I'm thankful for prayer.  I'm thankful for comfy clothes in which to lounge.  I'm thankful for cozy socks.  I'm thankful for bedtime.  I'm thankful I'm loved.
• November 28th. - I'm thankful for pet groomers.  My special brush does a very good job (was pulling out a hairball the size of a volleyball, once a week).  but I decided the only way to truly reduce the amount of hair in my home was to have the dog shaved.  (Had it done last Wednesday.  He looks great!  In fact, it made him look like he had lost about 5 lbs. ☺)  Today, I was only able to pull out a hairball that was barely the size of a cotton ball.  Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!  So thankful for pet groomers.  I'm also extremely thankful for online shopping.  Shopping without crowds is wonderful.
• November 29th. - I'm thankful that if I don't want to, I don't have to be stuck with the hair color I was born with.  I can choose what color I would like my hair to be.  ☺  Thanks, Sheena Dastrup Hendriksen, for taking care of it for me.
• November 30th. - I'm thankful to be alive at this time and in this place in the world.                

37 before 37

Today is my birthday. I'm 36 years old. yay! (I'm an even number age, that's why I'm not super excited. Poor me. Waaaaa!  I just have an affinity for odd numbers.) To mark this special occassion, I decided to set some goals to accomplish during my 36th year of life. Some are silly, some are fun, some are going to be difficult, some might not happen, but I'm going to try my best to make sure they do. (I'm sure you've seen lists like these floating around the internet.) So, here are 37 things I would like to do before I turn 37 years old.

1. Lose more weight. (I'm tempted to say 'lose 37 pounds', but losing that much wouldn't be healthy for me because I don't need to lost that much. Ummm...maybe I'll say 'lose 15 pounds'. Yes, that amount would be totally fine.)
2. Read 37 books. (I was going to say 50, but thought I would try to stick to a theme of '37' for this list.)
3. Travel to Italy with Ryan.
4. Make my own laundry soap. (Not necessarily for economic reasons, but if it saves me money I'll be just fine with that. I'm just very intrigued by all the recipes I keep seeing around the internet.)
5. Get current on family and kids scrapbooks.
6. Find and prepare 37 new recipes.  I have at least half of this number already.
7. Make a greater effort to reach out to others. (This is one that will be hard to determine if I've really accomplished it. I guess the only way to know is to simply ask others if they've noticed a difference in me.)
8. Clean out the 'toy room'. Get rid of (through donation or the thrash) old/broken/outgrown/unused toys.
9. Clean out and better organize my laundry room.
10. Play the piano at least twice a week. (At home and for myself.)
11. Finish the 2 afghans I started 3-4 years ago.
12. Go to sleep earlier. Even on the weekends. (I'm usually out and asleep by 11-11:30. I'd like to bump that up to 10:30-45. It will help me to accomplish the next goal.)
13. Wake up by about 5:45 and no later than 6. Except on the weekends. (I'm usually awake during the week by 6:30. 7:00 at the latest. I'm awake by 8:00 on the weekends, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm out of bed at that time. Ha, Ryan! I said it before you could. I may not be out of bed before 8:00, but I am awake. I do my workouts mid to late morning. If I get up by 6:00, I can fit it in before the kids are awake and still get them up and ready on time. This one is going to take some time for me to accept. I love my sleep.)
14. Stop biting my nails.
15. Read the Book of Mormon (again) from start to finish. (I might add the Doctrine & Covenants to this. I'll try the Bible (Old & New Testaments) next year because we just finished studying it in Sunday school this year. I want to read the current year (2012)course study.)
16. Continue to grow my hair out. I was a little overly optimistic when I thought my hair would be to the middle of my back by the end of the summer. It's long and longer than it's been in years, but it's not that long.  I want it to be long. 
17. Help my two oldest children become more responsible for at least a little bit of the laundry.  Ummm....maybe.
18. Paint at least one wall in my bedroom a different color.  I'm thinking the wall the head of the bed is on so that I can turn it into a focal point of sorts.
19. Finally make the quilt I've been meaning to make for about 6 years out of old, worn out jeans.  I have stacks and stacks of jeans (growing all the time) just waiting to be cut up into squares and sewn into a quilt.  In order to accomplish this goal, I'm going to have to either get a serger sewing machine of my own, or go to someones house to use theirs.
20. Buy a white Christmas tree.  I have some hot pink, vintage glass ornaments that were my grandma's and I think they would look stunning on a white tree.  I wasn't able to convince Ryan this year that I need one because I bought a new green one just last year.  I think I can convince him by next year.
21. Eat a beet.  Why do I dread this so very much?!
22. Contact my cardiologist and find out how severe my murmur is in order to donate blood.  Yes, I've decided to pursue it.
23. Get to church every Sunday at least 10 minutes before Sacrament Meeting starts.  Our meeting schedule will be changing to 11:00-2:00 in January (we've been on the 9:00-12:00 schedule this year and usually get there right at, or just after 9:00) and so I think it will be very easy to do this one.  If I can't make it to church by 10:50, then there's something very wrong with me.  Especially since the building is 30 seconds away from my house.
24. Move Peyton downstairs into what is currently the 'toy room'.  As long as I do number 8.
25. Continue to write in my gratitude journal.  This one should be easy.
26. Continue to try to live only for today so that I can be a better mother to my kids.  Oh, and a better wife to my husband. 
27. Take down all the blinds in my house, wash them and hang them back up.
28. Once my hair is long enough, actually try to do all of the fancy pants hairstyles I've been pinning on Pinterest.
29. Make more 'fall' decorations for my house.
30. Try canning something.  I don't know what, but I want to put some sort of food in a jar and seal it shut.
31. Plant and maintain a vegetable garden.  If I do, I guess that would mean I'd have something to can.
32. Learn how to really use my camera.  I'm a visual, hands-on learner.  I need to be shown how to do technical things.  But that does mean I'll have to really listen the next time someone tries to teach me.
33. Walk and or run every week.  For sure on my treadmill, but I also want to move out onto the road for more and more of my 'runs'.  I'm not sure yet how many miles per week I want to go.  I'm not going to commit myself to a number just yet.
34. Be better about wishing people Happy Birthday.  
35. Get over some of my irritations/pet peeves.  No, I can't list them here, unfortunately.  And this one is going to be really hard, unfortunately.
36. After I find and prepare the recipes (in goal number 6), post them on my cooking blog.
37. Go to New York City for my 37th birthday.

Wish me luck.  I'm going to need it for some of these.

Goals

I have a couple of long-standing goals. Items to cross off my bucket list, if you will. Both have been running around in my brain for some time because they're things that will require courage to do. They are:

• Eat part of, or an entire beet. (If I can stomach a whole one.) I remember eating them just a few times and HATING them when I was a kid. My mom never forced me to eat them after and so I swore off them entirely. That was probably 30 years ago. Now, I'm not a person who dislikes very many foods. Beets, in fact, are really the only thing I can think of that I don't like. So, I guess I only dislike one food. I decided a few years ago that was ridiculous. I can eat so many other random things, but I can't eat a beet!? Stupid. I NEED to do this. Who knows? Maybe I'll be surprised and find that I like them.
• Donate blood. I have a massive fear of needles. My fear of needles was pretty much the number one, driving reason for me not having epidurals during childbirth. The thought of a needle being inserted between my vertebrae and then a catheter being left behind, was simply too much for me to bear. The thought of a sharp needle puncturing one of my veins and then extracting a significant amount of blood from my body is enough to send me into hysterics. I'm getting weepy just thinking about it. I watched three vials being drawn when I was about 14 and almost passed out once I stood up. I had to sit with my head between my legs for a good 5 minutes to recover. And that was over 3 lousy vials. (I make Ryan come with me and hold my hand whenever I have blood tests done now.) Needles turn me into a wimp.

So, as I said, those things have been on my list for quite some time and because it's been so long, I've decided that now is the time to tackle one of them. It's time for me to be brave and prove to myself that I can do hard things. No, I'm not going to eat beets for dinner. I'm going to donate blood. There's a stake blood drive and I have no idea what possessed me, but I signed up to do it. Tonight. At 7:00. I'm pretty much terrified. I tried to tell Ryan that I could handle myself and do it without him. Thankfully, he could tell I was lying and will be coming with me to hold my hand. And probably pick me up after I faint. Or, wipe off my face if I puke. (He'd better be loving and supportive enough to do those things!) Why in the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks I chose to willingly let blood be sucked from my body before I ate a beet, is totally beyond me. I must be losing my mind.

Kindle Love

My husband bought me a Kindle in August. This particular one. (And maybe you've noticed that I'm finally able to do a hyper link. And I can also use all of the other features. Yes, I figured out what was causing my blogger problems. No. I don't want to talk about it. It's too stupid.) I'm addicted to it. I've always been a big reader. I love the escape that books give me. I absolutely love the convenience of this. I have so many books at my fingertips, it's just amazing. I use it everyday. And, actually, I'm on my second one. Just about 3 weeks ago, I was reading it on a Friday night and everything was hunky dory with it. I placed it on my bedside table for the night and in the morning, the screen was funky. I flipped out and was just about to roll up into the fetal position on my bed and cry my eyes out when Tyler suggested that I call Amazon and see what could be done. (My 11 year old son is more logical that me most of the time. ☺) So, I called them, explained what was going on with my screen and they immediately placed an order for a replacement. This was at about 11:00 in the morning. I received an email around 3:00 p.m. telling me that me new one had shipped and it arrived on Monday. Talk about fast! Amazon, I ♥ you! I ♥ my Kindle, too. Oh, and I ♥ Ryan for buying it for me. Reading is awesome.

Musings

- I have so much to be thankful for. So very much.
- My kids have great personalities. They're fun to be around and they're really funny, too. They're great kids.
- I've found that I really, really love hooded sweaters and or tees. I have at least 10.
- Reading is awesome.
- There's beauty to be found in every corner of this world. Usually in very unexpected places.
- I'm calmer and have a better day if I exercise.
- I've decided that people like the season they were born in the best. If you whine/cry/complain about fall/winter and cold temps or snow, you were born in the spring or summer. If you love the cold and hate heat, you were born in the fall or winter.
- I was born in late fall/early winter. It's my favorite time of the year. I don't, however, hate heat and don't complain about it. I don't love it, I just deal with it. I see no point in complaining about the weather. Whatever it may be.
- I'd like to know when kids and more specifically, boys, start to care about their living environment. When will they start to take notice of the fact that their bedroom, for example, is a dump and then take the time clean it up? Or, even better, simply get it clean and maintain it? My husband tells me that it doesn't happen until they move out of the house to go to college or, maybe to go on a mission. But, he says even then it's not very likely that they'll do much. He says it won't happen for real until they have a wife who will make them not be slobs. I don't have that kind of patience to wait that long.
- Cameron is taking piano lessons and is enjoying them and doing well. He seems to have a natural talent for it.
- I actually made and kept for myself some Halloween/fall/Thanksgiving decorations. I've enjoyed having them out.
- My kids are smart and I'm not saying that because I'm their mom. They really are smart and amaze me daily.
- Teenagers really aren't so bad.
- I need to be willing to reach out to others more.
- Scarves are awesome.
- I really want a brown (any shade will do) leather, satchel style bag.
- Classical music is good for my soul.
- My 1999 Chevrolet Suburban is still alive and kicking.
- Dr. Pepper is one awesome beverage.
- I love my husband and I KNOW he loves me.
- I love my kids and I KNOW they love me.
- I am very, very blessed!

Little Notes to Myself Pt. 2

Dear Self,

Don't ever make cinnamon rolls again! Yes, it's true that Saturday was the very first time you've made them from scratch. And admittedly they weren't half bad and you really want to keep experimenting and trying to make them even better. But DON'T DO IT! It's simply too dangerous for you. Your family may tell you again that if you make them, they will eat them. DON'T LISTEN TO THEM! They're all filthy liars. (☺) Out of the 18, or so, that you make, 1 or 2 will be eaten by one of them. Leaving 16-17. Those 16-17 will evilly call out to YOU, tempting you and sorely trying your resolve. (You know you have no real resolve when it comes to gooey, warm sweetness. Even now, you're probably drooling like Homer Simpson just thinking about them.) And then you will end up eating 5 of them over the course of 3 days and will have to throw the rest away to save you from yourself. So, just trust me on this. DON'T MAKE THEM AGAIN!

Signed,
Me

Dear Self,

Just remember that you wanted a dog just as much as the kids. Remember that the next time he decides to poop in his kennel in the middle of the night for no apparent reason and then sit in it until you take him out in morning. Oh, and remember that dogicide isn't an option. (Okay, as if you would really do that. Just covering your bases for anyone who can't take a joke.)

Signed,
Me

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow, Peyton will be 4 years old. Being that he will be 4 years old, I really have no business calling him a baby, but I still do. And I most likely always will. It's my right as his mom. I did make him promise today that if I let him be 4 tomorrow, he must always stay 4 and always be my little boy and always suck on his finger while holding his blanket and always want to cuddle with me and always love me like he does now. He says he will. But I know he'll change his mind round about the time he turns 7 years old. Oh well. It's to be expected. ☺

I love him, his dad loves him, his brothers and sister love him and the rest of his family does too! I hope he has a very, very Happy Birthday tomorrow!

Interesting

I went to back to school night last night. I met Tyler and Avery's teachers and re-met Cameron's. (He had her for first grade. He was pretty darn ticked when he found out he would have her again. He thought a new and different teacher would be more exciting, fun and adventurous. It took almost the entire summer to make him see the benefits of not having to break in a new one. She already knows him. She knows his likes and dislikes, his habits and quirks. And more importantly, she already likes him. He finally heard the wisdom in my words and has decided having the same teacher twice won't be so bad.) This school year should prove to be a very interesting one. Tyler's teacher seems like she's going to be very on top of the turning in of class work and homework. That was a major problem for him last year. He would do the homework (and he must have been doing the class work as well because his teacher never complained about him not being on task) and I know he would because I would make him show me once he was done. I would then make him put it directly into his backpack and would ask him as soon as he got home if he had turned it in. But, it somehow magically, strangely, inexplicably was "never turned in". We couldn't ever find them at our house because, believe me, we searched everywhere. His teacher never had a clue where they could be either. He would always get extremely upset when missing assignment reports were sent home and swear on his life that he had, in fact, turned them in. He would get so upset every single time that there was no way he could have been acting. No kid is that good and can keep up the facade for that long. So, I actually really do believe that he WAS turning them in. But, that was last year. We've put it behind us and we're moving on.

Avery has a pair of teachers, who happen to be mother and daughter. I liked them and she seems to like them too. I think that they're going to be good for her. They were organized and that's a big plus in my book. (See previous paragraph. ☺) I'm looking forward to watching all of my children learn and grow and expand their minds this school year. (Peyton too! Preschool starts on September 27th. Only 32 more days!!!!!! Not that I'm counting down, or anything.)

I Need to Get Moving

I've been up since 6:30 and so far, my accomplishments are getting the three oldest kids off to school, feeding Peyton breakfast, washing 2 loads of laundry and eating a piece of bread. Four tasks in 3 1/2 hours! Wow! I really need to slow down and pace myself. (I really do have quite a bit to do today, but I'm practicing one of my greatest talents, procrastination. At least for another few minutes. Then I really do need to get my butt in gear, or I'll be in serious trouble. ☺)

I found a notebook/journal on Monday that I had purchased in November 2009 to use as my "gratitude journal". (I had filled up random pages of others. So, this was supposed to be my exclusive one.) Well, I misplaced it after only 1 entry and because of that, fell out of the habit of writing down at least five things I'm grateful for each day. Shame on me! It's a great habit to have and when I did it regularly, I can honestly say I was more positive. I was almost always able to find something I was grateful for and see the positive elements that were part of my day. I'm so glad I found the notebook and was reminded of the wonderful effects looking for the good in my day can have on my overall outlook on life. Here's to gratitude!

You Give Me Fever?

Peyton has been running a fever on and off since Tuesday. (He seems to be fine today. Thank goodness!) He does this every few months for some reason. He'll run a fever for a few days and feel like crap and then it goes away. The fever is usually the only symptom of the "sickness". I've taken him to the doctor a couple of different times when it's happened and the answer is usually that it's "viral" (the most hated answer for a mom with a sick child) and there's nothing to do for it but wait it out. Unfortunately, there have been a couple of times when his fevers have caused him to have a fembrile (sp?) seizure. (The last one happened in the spring.) They're not dangerous, or neurological in nature. Basically, they're just a child's way of "resetting" their body when a fever spikes. Once the seizure is over, he's really none the worse for wear, sleeps for 30 minutes to an hour and has no recollection of it later. His doctor feels it's something that he'll outgrow by the time he's about 5. But, for the time being, I can't ever let his fever get very high. So, we've been alternating with Motrin & Tylenol every few hours. It's done the trick and has kept the fever in check.

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I woke up this morning at around 6:00, shivering and feeling pretty poopy. I was so cold; I actually had to cover myself with the blanket. I never sleep covered in the summer. So, I was really cold! I thought Peyton must have decided to share with me whatever virus he's had. But, no, it turns out it was just the beginnings of a migraine. I'll take that over a virus that lasts for days, but it still stinks. I stayed in my bed for a couple of hours with ice packs and a pillow over my head to block out light and I'm feeling much better now.

As I was lying there, I was trying to distract myself from the pain. I was thinking that my wedding anniversary was fast approaching (September 11th) and about how much I love this time of the year because of that. So, as I was thinking about all of that, I was trying to remember how many years we've been married...and I COULDN'T. What woman forgets how long she's been married!? I do when I have a headache. STUPID HEADACHE! I had to count on my fingers a few different times before I finally figured out that it's 13 years. 13 years! Wow.

Fixed

The dog (or dig, as I sometimes like to call him) has been dropped off at the spay & neuter clinic. (Salt Lake Spay and Neuter, if anyone is interested. They have excellent prices and can get your dog in very quickly. I called around to vets and the prices ranged from $200.00 just for the surgery, all the way up to over $600.00. That was for a yearlong puppy wellness plan through Pet's Mart. They tried to reason that it would cover all visits he may need throughout the year + the neuter so, it was an excellent plan. I asked them just how often they thought I would need to bring my dog in!? I just couldn't justify the cost. The Humane Society is another great option, but they have a very long wait list and also don't like to work on Pugs because of the shape of their face and nose. I guess it makes them hard to intubate. They recommended Salt Lake Spay and Neuter. They're only $45.00 for the neuter and will do vaccinations for $35.00, as well. Bonus!) I wanted to have him neutered within the first couple of weeks of having him, but Ryan felt that we should give him a chance to settle into our house and get used to us before we took away his manhood. Or, is it dog hood. I don't know. But, fine. I decided to wait. My dad felt that we shouldn't do it at all. Or, at least give him a chance to sire a litter of puppies before we took all the joy out of his life. I, however, felt it would be cruel to let him be a real dog and then snatch it away from him. So, neutering it is. I'm very excited! He's not an overly excited dog. In fact, he's really pretty boring most of the time, but when he does get excited, he gets very excited. This is going to be good for him! ☺

Because I'm the Mom!

"Because I'm the mom," is something I say to my kids ummm....pretty much daily. I know it makes my kids bonkers to hear it (actually, I think it completely enrages them ☺) because I could never stand to hear any sort of similar phrase when I was a kid. But, you know, sometimes, things are what they are simply because "the mom" says so. (It did take until I was a mom to understand.) No further explanation of "why?" it was said is necessary. So, my kids can hate it now, but they'll understand (and say/hear their wives say the very same thing) when they have kids of their own.

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My dog's shedding has been a bit on the extreme side, lately. I was talking to my mom about it and she shared with me something a vet told her. They suggested cutting open a fish oil capsule and mixing it in with the food. My mom said that when she was doing it consistently, it worked wonders. Well, I need wonders to be worked on my dog. I brushed him just before I talked to her about this and I swear I pulled out enough hair to knit a sweater. It was so disgusting! (Oh, and you should see the amount I'm able to vacuum up daily!) So, I've been putting it on his food for 4 days now. I can't say whether or not I've noticed an improvement yet, but I've decided to give it around a week to ten days before I really pass judgment. I'm crossing my fingers!

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My kids like to eat toast for breakfast. And by toast, I mean toast with cinnamon & sugar. It's the only way they will. No toast with just butter for them or even jam. Oh, and by "my kids", I mean my boys like to eat it with cinnamon & sugar. Avery likes it with sugar only and for some reason, this irritates Cameron to no end. He can't believe she even dares to call what she makes "toast". He thinks the only thing worthy of that title MUST have the cinnamon AND the sugar. He considers it a crime against humanity to make it any other way.

I Hope You Don't Mind

Today is my husband's birthday. So, and I hope you don't mind, I'd like to paraphrase Elton John and tell you how wonderful my life is because he's in this world. I love him more than anything and I just wanted to share that.

I hope you had a good time yesterday, Ryan, when we went out to eat at the restaurant I chose. (The Dodo. Take that Barrett! I told you I would make him take me there. And I'm making a huge assumption here that Barrett will even read this. ☺ Totally fine if he doesn't.) And I hope you had fun when I suggested we go shopping for fun afterward. (The fun part being that we bought a new pair of shoes for me.) I know those activities were a little selfish (well, a lot selfish), but that's just the kind of guy that you are. You are kind, generous, caring and really only concerned with making sure that I and your family am happy. I hope you have a very, very Happy Birthday today because you deserve it. You're wonderful!

When Ryan is Away

In the past, Ryan would travel all the time. Sometimes, he would be gone 4-5 days a week for every week of the month. He did that for years. It started to taper off about 4 years ago when he moved from installation to engineering. He would still travel on occasion, but only for 4-5 days in a month, usually spread out and usually only 1-2 days at a time. He moved to sales a year and a half ago and it slowed down a little more. Now, he has the occasional, once or twice a month, overnight at the most, sales trip. Just because he doesn't do it nearly as much as he has, that doesn't mean that it's any easier. It's hard having him gone. And so, when he is away, I don't like cook an extravagant dinner. The days seem longer and harder when he's gone and cooking is usually the last thing I feel like doing. So, it's Ramen noodles, macaroni & cheese, or whatever quick fix we can come up with. I put the kids to bed much earlier than normal. (Because, like I said, the days seem longer and harder when he's gone and I'm usually VERY ready for them to be over.) I watch television shows he can't stand. I stay up late watching movies he thinks are crappy. Or, I stay up late reading. Or, I stay up late washing every dirty item of clothing or linens in the house. Or, I stay up late cleaning. Or, I stay up late doing some sort of craft. Or....basically I just stay up late because I don't sleep well when he's not here. It throws off my routine because I always, always miss him when he's away. I'm glad this trip is "probably" only an overnighter.

A Happy List

Just a few things that make me happy:

1. All the crazy, off the wall things that Peyton says. Like when he burped the other day and told me it was "a mouth fart".

2. All of my kids. Yes, there are days they can make me totally crazy, but I still love them and the crazy doesn't last forever. They make me happy more often than not.

3. My husband. Oh, I just love him!

4. Progress being made on home improvement projects. We have the driveway done and the roof is underway. I'm happy to be improving the look of our home.

5. Watching any of the Toy Story movies with Peyton. They're just so darn cute. And he's just so darn cute watching them.

6. Good conversations with friends.

7. Good conversations with my husband.

8. Good conversations with my family.

9. Learning from an experience.

10. Listening to my favorite music.

11. My new, orange sheets. I bought them because I wanted something bright and cheery to lie on while I was recovering from my tonsillectomy. I can't help but feel happy when I look at them.

12. The fact that my tonsils are gone. It's been a rough couple of weeks, but I wouldn't take them back for anything.

13. A delicious piece of fruit.

14. A super cold glass of water.

15. Cozy, quiet evenings spent with my family.

16. Watching one of my favorite movies.

17. Reading a great book.

18. Cooking and or baking.

19. Watching Cooking Channel or Food Network. I would watch either of those all day long if I could.

20. Completing a task and feeling like I've accomplished something worthwhile.

21. Finding fun, new blogs to read. I've really been into handmade/fashion/lifestyle/vintage ones.

22. Just being alive. There's a quote from Emily Dickinson on my side bar that I just love. That's why it's there. It says: "Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough." So true.

Summer?

School starts for my kids in just 3 weeks. It feels strange that it is because this summer has hardly felt like summer to me. At all. I feel like it's still waiting to start. Kind of like we've been stuck in a permanent spring. The weather has been so incredibly mild. It's been (at least the way I remember it ☺) hot, but not too hot with lots of rain. I don't remember many days with temperatures too far above 90. Today, in fact, it's cloudy and rainy and the high temp is only supposed to be 79. (By the way, I totally adore cloudy and rainy days. They're comforting to me, for some strange reason.) I'm not complaining because overly hot weather isn't my thing. If I could control the weather and maintain the temperature at around 75 degrees, I would be a very happy person. So, all this mild weather suits me just fine. And....now that I've said that, karma is going to come and bite me in the butt and temperatures will soar to astronomical, melt your face off heights.

Oh, and since school starts in just 3 weeks, I started back to school clothes shopping last week. I need to get a couple more pairs of pants for Tyler & Cameron (they have enough to start, but really do need a couple more) and few more shirts for Avery. (She seems to have had a bit of a growth spurt. She hasn't grown longer legs, but she is longer in the waist. A size 8 shirt is kind of a belly shirt on her now. Well, not quite, but close. She now needs a size 10 and that's just crazy to me because Cameron is in the same size & he's 2 years and almost 9 months older than her.) I also need to get shoes for all and then I'll be done with the wardrobe part. Next, we'll stock up on school supplies and we can really call it good. (I'll get Peyton's preschool wardrobe in September because he isn't starting until then.) It's unbelievable to me that Tyler will be in 6th grade, Cameron will be in 4th, Avery will be in 2nd and my baby will be in preschool. Wow. I really have no other words to describe the feeling. Just....wow.