Working

After assessing my progress on my goals for the year, I realized that I haven't been doing enough work on them.  I came to the conclusion there was no flipping way I would accomplish even half if I didn't get my butt in gear. 

I decided to start working on #8.  (Clean out the toy room.)  I made it one of my goals because I want to move Peyton into it once it's done.  I started yesterday and worked for about about 5 hours ( HOLY CRAP!), but it's looking really good.  It's not done yet, but it's a million miles away from where it was.  I finished with 5 (kitchen size) bags of garbage.  Yes, 5!  That's actually kind of terrifying to me.  And I also ended up with 4 (kitchen size) bags of toys to donate.  YES!  Hooray for progress.  It makes me very happy.  The next step is to patch, sand and paint all of the walls Cameron decided to "decorate" when he was living in the room a few years ago.  Once that's done, Peyton can move in!  

Ramblings

• I'm feeling a little off kilter.  Out of sorts, really.  This mild winter has really messed up my internal clock/system and I don't like it.  In fact, you know what!  I'm feeling a little jipped.  I like it to be cold when it's supposed to be cold, i.e., winter.  And warm when it's supposed to me warm, i.e., spring.  I don't need it to be 60+ degrees in January.  I need it to be freeze your toes off cold so that I can appreciate the 60+ degrees come April.  Once April and "Spring" hits, I don't want to feel like I've been there and done that. 
• I feel like I need to apologize to my kids and I don't know why.  And I'm not sure if apologizing is what I really feel like I need to do.  I haven't been yelling excessively.  At least, I hope I haven't.  We seem to be getting along well, for the most part.  My "beast" days have been fairly few and far between.  Everyone has been getting fed.  Everyone has clean clothes to wear and shoes that fit.  Day to day life has been humming along just as it should.  But I guess what it maybe is, is that I feel like I haven't been doing "enough".   Like, we need more excitement, or something.  It's weird.  I'm going to blame my crazy thoughts on the crazy weather. 
• I'm making progress on my goals for this year.  Well, sort of.  I'm right on track to complete #2.  If my count is correct, I've read 11 books so far.  I've accomplished #4.  I'm making a daily, conscious effort to work on #7.  It's such a hard one for me because it's not something that comes to me naturally.  #9 is a work in progress.  Ummm...numbers 12 & 13 are kind of hit and miss.  16 is still a go!  I'm holding strong and my hair is a little past "medium" length now.  At least, that's what I would say.  I not only accomplished #21, I did it multiple times.  How was it, you ask?  Meh.  But I'll try to improve my attitude about them.  25 & 26 are fine.  And, hmmm....there's not really anything to report on the others.  I suppose I need to work harder. 
• My kids continue to defy me and grow bigger each day.  Tyler wore through a couple of pairs of pants and so I bought him more.  I bought a size bigger, thinking that he would need to roll the cuff up for a bit and could grow into them eventually.  Wrong!  They fit him just right.  Dang.  Cameron, oh, Cameron.  He's still the same old him, but he's turning into a slightly different him.  If that makes any sense.  He's maturing.  (In some ways.)  And he's funny.  Really, really funny.  Peyton seems to change and mature daily.  He is a toddler no more and forever.  Sad.
• And, a quote to sum up these pointless ramblings:  "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus  I am so grateful for all that I have!

           

A Month of Thanksgiving

I was invited by this blogger, through facebook, to participate in "A Month of Thanksgiving".  The idea was to post something you're thankful for each day in November.  Easy!  I love listing on a daily basis things I'm thankful/grateful for.  Doing it give me great perspective and helps me to see that things really are never that bad.  *note* Some of the posts were a little fluffy and or silly and they were very specific to the day.  I was/am, however, really very thankful for everything I posted.  Even the silly stuff.  ☺  Here's my list:

• November 1st. - I'm thankful the power in my house came back on after being out since about 7:45 this morning.
• November 2nd. - I'm thankful for fantastic friends and neighbors who are willing to be a help to me.  Like, say, when my car battery dies and Ryan Hendriksen is out of town (of course, because he's almost always out of town when something happens with the car ☺) and unable to help.  thank you to Troy Roth for helping out in a situation like that!
• November 3rd. - I'm thankful for lint rollers.  Especially when I do something stupid like, brush my dog while wearing a black cardigan and black slippers.  They come in real handy after doing something like that.
• November 4th. - I'm thankful my kids have such good friends.
• November 5th. - I'm thankful for my carpet steam cleaner.  I bought it in the spring and it's more than paid for itself.  I love it!  (Oh, and I apparently really love hooded sweaters & tees.  Yesterday, I discovered I have at least 10.)
• November 6th. - I'm thankful for Sundays and all that come with them.
• November 7th. - I'm thankful for beautiful music like the symphonies of Beethoven.  I really love his 9th and was able to see/hear it played with Ryan Hendriksen by the Utah Symphony on our anniversary.  That was on opening weekend of the season.  They're performing all of his symphonies this season, starting with the 9th and going back.  It was beautiful?
• November 8th. - I'm thankful that I decided nearly 3 years ago to learn how to make bread.
• November 9th. - I'm thankful my kids have the opportunity to go to school to learn, grow & expand their minds. I'm also thankful for school for a selfish reason. It's nice to send an ornery, bratty kid away and hopefully have them return in a better mood. (We didn't have a very good morning. ☺)
• November 10th. - I'm thankful that I have such wonderful parents in Dana Mackay and Tracy Mackay and that Ryan Hendriksen's parents, Eric Hendriken and Elaine are pretty wonderful, too!  ☺  They're amazing grandparents to our children!  They've been so willing to help out with them while Ryan and I have gone gallivanting around the world.  I love and appreciate all of you!  ♥
• November 11th. - I'm thankful for people like my brother, Joshua Mackay.  Thank you for all you do.
• November 12th. - I'm thankful I've been able to travel with my husband to places I've always wanted to go.
• November 13th. - I'm thankful for naps.
• November 14th. - I'm thankful for my washer and dryer.
• November 15th. - I'm thankful for my car.
• November 16th. - I'm thankful I know how to cook.  Well, at least I assume I know how to cook.  ☺
• November 17th. - I'm thankful for my children.  I love them very much.
• November 18th. - I'm very thankful for my husband Ryan Hendriksen.  He's kind, loving, hardworking, funny, sarcastic, exasperating, sweet, a fantastic father and really cute to boot.  I ♥ him a whole bunch.
• November 19th. - I'm thankful for hot showers.
• November 20th. - I'm thankful for uplifting Sunday meetings.
• November 21st. - I'm thankful for warm and comfortable beds.
• November 22nd. - I'm thankful we had a pleasant and easy morning getting ready for school.  No dilly-dallying, no screaming, no crying.  Just nice and easy!
• November 23rd. - I'm thankful for Excedrin Back & Body and Dr. Pepper.
• November 24th. - I'm thankful for lessons learned.  No matter how difficult the learning process was.  Happy Thanksgiving!
• November 25th. - I'm thankful for long weekends.
• November 26th. - I'm thankful for a strong furnace to heat my house.
• November 27th. - I'm thankful for prayer.  I'm thankful for comfy clothes in which to lounge.  I'm thankful for cozy socks.  I'm thankful for bedtime.  I'm thankful I'm loved.
• November 28th. - I'm thankful for pet groomers.  My special brush does a very good job (was pulling out a hairball the size of a volleyball, once a week).  but I decided the only way to truly reduce the amount of hair in my home was to have the dog shaved.  (Had it done last Wednesday.  He looks great!  In fact, it made him look like he had lost about 5 lbs. ☺)  Today, I was only able to pull out a hairball that was barely the size of a cotton ball.  Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!  So thankful for pet groomers.  I'm also extremely thankful for online shopping.  Shopping without crowds is wonderful.
• November 29th. - I'm thankful that if I don't want to, I don't have to be stuck with the hair color I was born with.  I can choose what color I would like my hair to be.  ☺  Thanks, Sheena Dastrup Hendriksen, for taking care of it for me.
• November 30th. - I'm thankful to be alive at this time and in this place in the world.                

37 before 37

Today is my birthday. I'm 36 years old. yay! (I'm an even number age, that's why I'm not super excited. Poor me. Waaaaa!  I just have an affinity for odd numbers.) To mark this special occassion, I decided to set some goals to accomplish during my 36th year of life. Some are silly, some are fun, some are going to be difficult, some might not happen, but I'm going to try my best to make sure they do. (I'm sure you've seen lists like these floating around the internet.) So, here are 37 things I would like to do before I turn 37 years old.

1. Lose more weight. (I'm tempted to say 'lose 37 pounds', but losing that much wouldn't be healthy for me because I don't need to lost that much. Ummm...maybe I'll say 'lose 15 pounds'. Yes, that amount would be totally fine.)
2. Read 37 books. (I was going to say 50, but thought I would try to stick to a theme of '37' for this list.)
3. Travel to Italy with Ryan.
4. Make my own laundry soap. (Not necessarily for economic reasons, but if it saves me money I'll be just fine with that. I'm just very intrigued by all the recipes I keep seeing around the internet.)
5. Get current on family and kids scrapbooks.
6. Find and prepare 37 new recipes.  I have at least half of this number already.
7. Make a greater effort to reach out to others. (This is one that will be hard to determine if I've really accomplished it. I guess the only way to know is to simply ask others if they've noticed a difference in me.)
8. Clean out the 'toy room'. Get rid of (through donation or the thrash) old/broken/outgrown/unused toys.
9. Clean out and better organize my laundry room.
10. Play the piano at least twice a week. (At home and for myself.)
11. Finish the 2 afghans I started 3-4 years ago.
12. Go to sleep earlier. Even on the weekends. (I'm usually out and asleep by 11-11:30. I'd like to bump that up to 10:30-45. It will help me to accomplish the next goal.)
13. Wake up by about 5:45 and no later than 6. Except on the weekends. (I'm usually awake during the week by 6:30. 7:00 at the latest. I'm awake by 8:00 on the weekends, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm out of bed at that time. Ha, Ryan! I said it before you could. I may not be out of bed before 8:00, but I am awake. I do my workouts mid to late morning. If I get up by 6:00, I can fit it in before the kids are awake and still get them up and ready on time. This one is going to take some time for me to accept. I love my sleep.)
14. Stop biting my nails.
15. Read the Book of Mormon (again) from start to finish. (I might add the Doctrine & Covenants to this. I'll try the Bible (Old & New Testaments) next year because we just finished studying it in Sunday school this year. I want to read the current year (2012)course study.)
16. Continue to grow my hair out. I was a little overly optimistic when I thought my hair would be to the middle of my back by the end of the summer. It's long and longer than it's been in years, but it's not that long.  I want it to be long. 
17. Help my two oldest children become more responsible for at least a little bit of the laundry.  Ummm....maybe.
18. Paint at least one wall in my bedroom a different color.  I'm thinking the wall the head of the bed is on so that I can turn it into a focal point of sorts.
19. Finally make the quilt I've been meaning to make for about 6 years out of old, worn out jeans.  I have stacks and stacks of jeans (growing all the time) just waiting to be cut up into squares and sewn into a quilt.  In order to accomplish this goal, I'm going to have to either get a serger sewing machine of my own, or go to someones house to use theirs.
20. Buy a white Christmas tree.  I have some hot pink, vintage glass ornaments that were my grandma's and I think they would look stunning on a white tree.  I wasn't able to convince Ryan this year that I need one because I bought a new green one just last year.  I think I can convince him by next year.
21. Eat a beet.  Why do I dread this so very much?!
22. Contact my cardiologist and find out how severe my murmur is in order to donate blood.  Yes, I've decided to pursue it.
23. Get to church every Sunday at least 10 minutes before Sacrament Meeting starts.  Our meeting schedule will be changing to 11:00-2:00 in January (we've been on the 9:00-12:00 schedule this year and usually get there right at, or just after 9:00) and so I think it will be very easy to do this one.  If I can't make it to church by 10:50, then there's something very wrong with me.  Especially since the building is 30 seconds away from my house.
24. Move Peyton downstairs into what is currently the 'toy room'.  As long as I do number 8.
25. Continue to write in my gratitude journal.  This one should be easy.
26. Continue to try to live only for today so that I can be a better mother to my kids.  Oh, and a better wife to my husband. 
27. Take down all the blinds in my house, wash them and hang them back up.
28. Once my hair is long enough, actually try to do all of the fancy pants hairstyles I've been pinning on Pinterest.
29. Make more 'fall' decorations for my house.
30. Try canning something.  I don't know what, but I want to put some sort of food in a jar and seal it shut.
31. Plant and maintain a vegetable garden.  If I do, I guess that would mean I'd have something to can.
32. Learn how to really use my camera.  I'm a visual, hands-on learner.  I need to be shown how to do technical things.  But that does mean I'll have to really listen the next time someone tries to teach me.
33. Walk and or run every week.  For sure on my treadmill, but I also want to move out onto the road for more and more of my 'runs'.  I'm not sure yet how many miles per week I want to go.  I'm not going to commit myself to a number just yet.
34. Be better about wishing people Happy Birthday.  
35. Get over some of my irritations/pet peeves.  No, I can't list them here, unfortunately.  And this one is going to be really hard, unfortunately.
36. After I find and prepare the recipes (in goal number 6), post them on my cooking blog.
37. Go to New York City for my 37th birthday.

Wish me luck.  I'm going to need it for some of these.

Denied

So, last night I went to donate blood and was denied because of my open heart surgery 35 years ago for this condition that has left me with a murmur. It's not necessarily simply because I have a murmur. It's because I have no idea the level, grade or seriousness of my murmur. All I know is that it's "minor". This particular blood collection company (is that what they're called?) is extremely cautious and strict about it. Even though I know that it's minor, they won't even consider me until they know just how minor it truly is. Apparently, collecting blood from a person with a murmur could possibly trigger a cardiac episode and that could obviously be very bad. It's understandable.

So, if I want to pursue donating and completing my goal, I must first check with my cardiologist. Once I know the level of my murmur, I can contact the company and see if it's within their acceptable parameters. If it is, I can donate. If it isn't, I'm denied for life. Or, I was told I could try the Red Cross because they're not nearly as strict. Basically, I was told that they'll take anyone as long as they have blood and two legs. Meaning, they walked in on their own. ☺

I'm disappointed that I wasn't able to donate and I can't believe that I am. I feel like I had it just within my grasp. I was going to do something that, for me, was very hard and it was ripped away. I really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. I think I might get in touch with my cardiologist and figure out the whole murmur thing. Maybe. Probably. Oh, I don't know. Maybe just saying, "at least I tried", is good enough!?

Goals

I have a couple of long-standing goals. Items to cross off my bucket list, if you will. Both have been running around in my brain for some time because they're things that will require courage to do. They are:

• Eat part of, or an entire beet. (If I can stomach a whole one.) I remember eating them just a few times and HATING them when I was a kid. My mom never forced me to eat them after and so I swore off them entirely. That was probably 30 years ago. Now, I'm not a person who dislikes very many foods. Beets, in fact, are really the only thing I can think of that I don't like. So, I guess I only dislike one food. I decided a few years ago that was ridiculous. I can eat so many other random things, but I can't eat a beet!? Stupid. I NEED to do this. Who knows? Maybe I'll be surprised and find that I like them.
• Donate blood. I have a massive fear of needles. My fear of needles was pretty much the number one, driving reason for me not having epidurals during childbirth. The thought of a needle being inserted between my vertebrae and then a catheter being left behind, was simply too much for me to bear. The thought of a sharp needle puncturing one of my veins and then extracting a significant amount of blood from my body is enough to send me into hysterics. I'm getting weepy just thinking about it. I watched three vials being drawn when I was about 14 and almost passed out once I stood up. I had to sit with my head between my legs for a good 5 minutes to recover. And that was over 3 lousy vials. (I make Ryan come with me and hold my hand whenever I have blood tests done now.) Needles turn me into a wimp.

So, as I said, those things have been on my list for quite some time and because it's been so long, I've decided that now is the time to tackle one of them. It's time for me to be brave and prove to myself that I can do hard things. No, I'm not going to eat beets for dinner. I'm going to donate blood. There's a stake blood drive and I have no idea what possessed me, but I signed up to do it. Tonight. At 7:00. I'm pretty much terrified. I tried to tell Ryan that I could handle myself and do it without him. Thankfully, he could tell I was lying and will be coming with me to hold my hand. And probably pick me up after I faint. Or, wipe off my face if I puke. (He'd better be loving and supportive enough to do those things!) Why in the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks I chose to willingly let blood be sucked from my body before I ate a beet, is totally beyond me. I must be losing my mind.

Lessons Learned Pt.2

Back in October of 2008 I wrote a post about what I felt I had learned up to that point in my life. I was 32 (almost 33) at the time. And now, at 35 (almost 36), here's what I feel I've learned.

I've learned that I'm always going to make mistakes. Sometimes they won't be so bad. Sometimes they're going to be enormous. Sometimes they'll be something that only I know about and notice. Sometimes they're going to be really embarrassing and very hard to hide. And that's okay. It really, really is. Yes, it's frustrating when a mistake happens. Especially when I make the same kind of mistakes over and over and over and over. (I kind of have a thick head. I'm very stubborn too.) The important thing to remember is that I must keep trying. As long as I try to learn from the mistake, that's what it's all about. Trying and learning. I also need to remember that after making a mistake, I can still be loved. I can be forgiven. Just because I made one, it doesn't mean I'm stupid. Just because I made one, it doesn't mean it's the end of the world. And finally, life will go on.