Peyton Has a Bad Habit

We have four doors in our house that have locks on them. My bedroom and bathroom door and then the other two bathrooms, as well. Peyton has a very bad habit of locking those doors when he leaves the room. He can't seem to help himself. If the door locks, he MUST lock it. Yesterday, he did it to our guest bathroom door. Our guest bathroom isn't really just for guests either. Since remodeling it, I've made it my bathroom because it's nicer then the poopy one in my bedroom. I've left that one to Ryan to use exclusively. ☺ So, Peyton locking the quest bathroom is a very bad thing. For me.

Yesterday, I had a busy morning of laundry and cleaning (aka I was avoiding my workout for a while, I don't know why) and then did more cleaning after my workout was finished. I figured why bother taking a shower after my workout when I was probably going to work up a sweat again with some of the "chores" I had to do. Consequently, it was about 12:30 by the time I worked my way to the bathroom to take a shower.

I tried to open the door, only to discover it was locked. I found a screwdriver to unlock it. This particular door has a lock with a knob that "turns", not a button you "push" in. Know what I mean? Anyway, it's also a lock that I have the darn diddly darndest time unlocking. I don't know why, but I can't ever seem to make it work. If Tyler is home when something like this happens, I make him unlock it. He can usually get it in one try, of course. So, knowing that I always have a hard time, I took a deep breath and went to work.

After about 10 minutes of trying, without success, I had to walk away from it. I ate some lunch, tried to clear my mind, meditate and reach some sort of peaceful Zen state perfect for unlocking bathroom doors and went back for another try. Again, 10 minutes of trying and no luck.

I walked away again. i came back a few minutes later. Couldn't unlock it again and by this time it was about 1:15. I called Ryan, demanded to know where he was (American Fork & busy) and told him he needed to come home and unlock it for me. IMMEDIATELY! He was nice (meaning he didn't laugh, but he did mock me), but said he couldn't get home to do it. I hung up in a huff and went back for another try. I was really frustrated by this time because it was late in the day and I was stinky and really needed a shower.

I tried again to unlock it. Swore a few times when it didn't happen. I tried again, no luck. And so, I decided the only way I was going to get in there was to kick down the door. (I'm not above destroying my house to get what I want, either. I made Ryan do it 2 weeks ago when I bought a sectional sofa for our basement family room. We tried for hours to make it go in, but there was no way in H-E-double hockey sticks that it was going to do it. I was not about to give up the couch and return it. Drastic measures had to be taken. So, I made Ryan cut a two foot square hole in the hallway wall at one end of the hall. Next, take off the moulding and door to a bathroom. Then, finally cut into the wall and take out 2 studs at the other end of the hallway. We then pushed and shoved for another 30 minutes and finally got it in. Booyah! You see, not above destroying my house to get what I want.) I raised my foot and was about to slam it into the door when the voice of reason entered into my head. "Just take the doorknob off, you idiot", it said. This was at about 1:30. So, ummm....yeah. It took me an hour to figure that one out and finally get in to take a shower. I never said I was the sharpest knife in the....place where they keep the knives. Peyton better not lock that door ever again.

These are my thoughts

I had a discussion with my sister in law on Wednesday while she was inflicting great physical pain on me. Or, maybe she was just waxing my eyebrows, but anyway, we were talking. We were talking about being a mom, raising kids, etc. She said that sometimes she feels like she's "just a mom". I responded with something like being a mom is noble, worthwhile, and I think some other stuff, but I really can't remember. I hope it was profound. Anyway, I tried to offer some words of wisdom that my 11 more years then her of life have given me.

I could totally relate to what she was saying because oh boy, have I been there! The first time it really hit me was when Cameron was just a few months old. I was coming off a whirlwind of a couple of years where I suddenly found myself with not only a husband, but 2 kids and we were living in our first house. I was living the adult life for real and in the process of becoming one, I kind of lost contact with the adult world, minus my husband and immediate family, and I wasn't very happy about it. I told Ryan that I needed to get out and interact with others and I needed to do it soon. Otherwise, he would feel my pain. Thankfully, he took the hint and stepped aside so I could figure out how to be more than "just a mom". And I did. But I also found that just being a mom isn't a bad thing. It's noble and worthwhile and all the other things I think I said to my sister in law. ☺ But.....now that I've said that, and after pondering that conversation for the past 2 days, I've come to a realization about myself. I had an epiphany, if you will, and what it revealed to me didn't necessarily make me happy.

Yes, I've learned over 11 years of mothering that I am more than just a mom. So very much more, but that's not what I have a problem with. I have a problem with the way I'm being a mom, unfortunately.

I treat mothering as job. I'm way too business like about it. That's not to say that I'm not affectionate with my kids. Because I am. I hug them and kiss them and tell them I love them all the time. They know I love them. What I realized I don't do often enough is just be with them. I go from one day to the next, doing all the things I should do, but I don't take the time enjoy it. I hold myself back from really being with them because I have the next item on my to do list on my mind. Sometimes, I don't listen all that closely to them because I'm too worried about what I'm making for dinner, the laundry I'm currently folding, the floors I'm trying to vacuum, etc. That's just not right and I've resolved to change it.

Yesterday, I took the time to lay in my bed with Peyton and just watch Spongebob. I didn't do anything else. I didn't think about anything else. I really paid attention and responded and interacted with him when he made comments. I was there and it was fun. Imagine that. Yes, laundry and dishes and a shower for myself were put off, but it didn't matter because I was being a mom. And the world didn't end because of it.

I'm going to try to truly be present each and every moment of each and every day. Yes, my children can exasperate, annoy, anger, wear me out, like no others. But they can also entertain me, make me laugh, love me and change me for the better like no others and that's the way it's supposed to be. I'm a mom and I love it.

Changes

Peyton is finally feeling better and has his old life back. ☺ At around 6:00 pm yesterday, he decided that eating food was good and after doing it, started running and playing and causing his usual mischief. Thank goodness too! Running a fever for four days and feeling blah is just as hard on the mom as it is the kid.

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I have to have surgery next Wednesday to correct problems created by four pregnancies. It's no big deal, just outpatient and my doctor says I should be feeling just fine by the time the weekend is over. I'm glad for that because I don't do well with down time. I especially don't do well with overnight hospital stays. In for the procedure and out the same day suits me just fine.

In order to have the surgery we needed to be absolutely sure we were done having children. Otherwise, the correction I'm having done could possibly be for nothing and I would have to do it and even more later. Now, even though I knew we were done, having someone tell me that I need to be done was kind of annoying to me. I have too much of a stick it to the man attitude about well, pretty much everything. I'm really mature like that and will usually do the opposite of what someone tells me to do. It's my silly way of resisting what I perceive as an attempt to control me. Even when there is no "let's control Christa and tell her and make her do only what we want her to do". Even when what I'm being told is so obviously for my own good. I really need to get over it and I did for this issue. So, I will be having a procedure done to ensure that there will only be 4 mini Ryan's running around this house. It's a big deal that feels happy/exciting/bittersweet all at the same time. It means that we really are moving into a new phase of our lives. We're done making new babies and will now see where the ones we have will take us.

Sick

My poor little Peyton has been sick on and off since Monday. He'll have a fever for several hours and then be fine. Then the fever comes back. And then he's fine again. He's been running another fever for most of the day today and in general, has felt pretty blah. It's starting to wear on him.

He heard Tyler go outside to play this afternoon and cried and begged to be able to go outside with him. I told him it just wasn't a good idea because of the fever. I had to work very hard to convince him that he really did want to stay inside so he could give his body a chance to get better. After about 5 minutes of talking, he finally said, "I can't take this anymore! I just want my old life back!" It was so sad and pathetic and it broke my heart, but how do you not laugh at a statement like that at the same time?! I so hope he starts feeling better soon.

Potty Talk

Peyton has gone and done what I wanted him to do. That's right, he's essentially potty trained himself. You see, about a month ago, Ryan said it was high time to get rid of the diapers and work on the using the bathroom thing. I grudgingly agreed and finally had to admit something to myself too. The reason he wasn't potty trained yet wasn't because it didn't go well in our previous training rounds. It was because I wasn't putting (and I wasn't letting anyone else) much effort into it because I didn't want him to grow up. I wanted to keep him a baby. Keeping him in diapers was a good way of fooling myself into thinking that he was still one. The fact that he's practically wearing size 4 in boys clothes, has size 12 (in toddler sizes) feet, weighs 35 pounds, is 3 1/2 years old, is now in Primary at church and can pretty much use a computer on his own wasn't enough to make me let go of his babyness and potty train him. When I finally admitted to myself that I was the problem, I was able to let go (for the most part because it's so bittersweet) and let the training begin. Peyton took over after that and has pretty much been on track ever since. Notice, I did say "pretty much". He's had about 4 accidents. One yesterday, as a matter of fact.

I put him down for a nap without putting a diaper on him first. (He still has a little difficulty rousing himself from sleep to go, but I wanted to see what he would do. Could he wake up dry? I decided to live on the edge and find out.) Well, he decided it wasn't time to sleep, it was time to get out of bed and play and that's fine by me. Nap time, for me, is now more about getting a little break and quiet time. It's not really about sleeping anymore. I let him play away.

He peed in his pants while playing, but didn't let me know. Instead, he took his clothes off and went behind his rocking chair and pooped on the carpet to finish the job. A lovely odor started wafting out of his room and so I had to go in to investigate. He was butt naked and happily playing away. I asked, "alright, where's your poopy underwear?" He said, all disgusted, "I didn't poop in my underwear! I pooped on the floor behind my chair". I checked and only saw streaks on the carpet. I told him there wasn't any poop there and again asked where the poopy underwear was. He said, "I said I didn't poop in my underwear! I pooped on the floor. I cleaned it up for you with my bulldozer. I didn't want to leave it on the carpet". Sure enough, when I picked up his small, toy Caterpillar bulldozer, I found a scoop full of poop. Lovely.

So, accidents like that aside, he's pretty much trained. And....I'm pretty much okay with it. I think. Maybe I have a little way to go, but I'll get there eventually.

I came to my senses

I went to the hospital to meet my beautiful new niece this morning. I'm done having kids, but I will admit that holding and smelling a cute little newborn does kind of stir up some baby cravings in me. Holding a newborn makes me start to think that it really wouldn't be a big deal to go from 4 to 5 kids. Because really, once you have more than 2 & can handle it, 2 or 3 more really don't matter. So, I walked out thinking about all the fun a baby is & that I really should reconsider my position on having another. Then, Peyton started throwing a fit because he didn'twant to leave. HE WANTED TO RIDE IN THE ELEVATOR AGAIN!!!! He tried to run away and then laid down on the ground in front of an oncoming car to thwart my attempt to pick him up. He climbed through a planting bed and sat on the curb on the other side. He just waved goodbye and shrugged when I told him I was going and that I would leave him there if he didn't get in the car. He didn't even flinch when I started it and started to back out. He kicked and screamed when I got out and drug him over to the car. He fought me and went rigid when I tried to put him in his car seat. He told me I'm mean to not let him stay. He also told me that he doesn't want to go anywhere with me. HE WANTS TO STAY AT THE HOSPITAL BECAUSE THE ELEVATOR IS FUN!!! That's when I came to my senses and remembered why I'm done having kids. I also remembered that I need to get him enrolled in preschool so that I can get a little break from him. ☺ He's like 5 kids all rolled into one. I remembered that I'm perfectly happy and content with my family just like it is. I'll just cuddle and sniff all the new babies coming into my family this year to get my new baby fix. Peyton is an excellent from of birth control.

Smell

(I know I'm not the first person to make this observation and I'm sure there have been scientific studies done on this, but I'm feeling too lazy to research (google) it.)

Have you ever noticed how every individual on this planet has their own smell? And each is very distinctly their own. I've always associated individuals with their smells. When I catch a whiff of something that reminds me of a person, my mind immediately goes to memories of them. They're not always super pleasant, but they're there. ☺ It's the same with "places". You know, houses and such. ("And such" is a phrase that Cameron has been using quite a bit. He ends most of his sentences with it.) My grandparents houses always smelled the same. I don't ever come across the exact scents, because nothing can ever replicate the real thing, but anything that comes close takes me right there. I'm a very sensory person.

My husband, Ryan, has a smell that is distinctly "Ryan" and it's the same smell every day. Except, when he goes to Idaho. He comes home smelling very different after being in Idaho. I wonder why that is. Something in the air? The water?

My kids all smell different to me. Their clothes are washed together using the same soap, fabric softener & dryer sheets. They bathe in the same water (not the same water, but it comes from the same faucet) and use the same bath soap & shampoo. They live in the same house and yet, they all have their own scent.

Anyway, this is a silly subject, but it's been running through my mind and it's just fascinating to me. I know, I'm deep.

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On another, totally unrelated subject. I got sick yesterday afternoon and spent the rest of the day and night in my bed. (Maybe that's the reason for the deep thoughts above. I had waaaaay too much time to think.) Waaaaaa, poor me. I was feeling tired all morning and then at around 2:00 it was like I got hit by a truck. I had a fever, headache, body aches & chills. It came on so hard and fast it totally caught me off guard. It wasn't fun because I especially hate having fevers. I get really weepy when I have one, for some strange reason.

I laid in my bed moaning and groaning & hating life until about 10:00 when I suddenly thought, "duh! You have NyQuil! Go take it and you'll get some sleep". I did and I did get some "sleep", but it wasn't terribly restful. I could feel my head pounding all.night.long. I hate that feeling. You know you're sleeping, but feeling the headache makes it seem like you're awake. I've taken some Excedrin and it's finally starting to kick in. I don't feel great, but I no longer have a fever. So, that's a bonus. I don't feel like bawling my eyes out now.